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The Coronalogues
The Coronalogues

Season 2, Episode 2 · 2 months ago

Smoke & Otters

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

A conspiracy theorist uncovers a plot in his own backyard. 

1 City, 1 Year On, 5 More Stories.

A restauranteur contemplates losing her career, a conspiracy theorist uncovers a strange plot, a young girl writes to a TV judge, a woman attempts a daring escape from a marriage and the City of Edinburgh finally addresses her own. 

A second series of interconnected tales from a time like no other…

For The Coronalogues

“…a warm heated portrait of ordinary humanity…” The Scotsman.

“McAllister depicts contemporary urban life with flair and a witty sense of humour steeped in realism” The UpComing

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The corona logs the second week chapterto smoke and waters, okay, there's the people and then there's thesleep of right. Who am I talking to you? The one sitting there sleepily justaccepting this or the thinkers, the reality penetrators the truth seekus, the ones who see through all this Imean something's up, isn't it? Nobody can deny that. I know no sane orrational person can even take a cursory glance at what's happening on thisplanet right now and come to the logical conclusion than this any of this. This is perfectly normal. Are you finenothing to see here? No one could possibly think that I mean none of itmakes any sense for a kick off. There's so many red flags, global pandemic selfisolation look down face, masks. It came from China, China, for cryingout loud. Whenever I hear the word China, I'm already thinking, okay,something's up O that racist I've, nothing against the Chinese people, I'mtalking politically here, you understand there could be no denyingthat politically there well, you know, suspect politically, I meanhistorically the home. The PAL thing for the star, those monks setthemselves on fire and then there's strong come down here. There was thatwas on the news recently. That's all kick it off all the things they're doing over thereto those poor Hong congers out there with a pole, Hong Kong scenario, andthey tried to tap all of our full networks in the old two Vodafone Gegathe lot. That's the Chinese government right there deeply de place aspect, not that they're, the only onesinvolved. Rigou I mean you can't just leave it off at China's door. Bill GateBell, bloody gates, most of the stuff amyand from various reliable sources, asaying it's looking pretty bloody likely that he's involved to and these sources. These are the guysin the now serious serious guys who know exactly what they're talking about guys used to be on the other side ofthe fence. If you know what I mean, I'm talking defectors, her guns, you dodon't want to mess with those guys. They're all sin Bill Gates he's beendying to get us all chipped up for years, apparently, and now we canfinally do it, but it's vexing nano technology, that's what they call it.Noral technology, tiny, tiny robots that are made by other Tony Robots tobe so small that they can hide in sad device. That's what the agenda is o Bis nothing ever to virus, it's over making sure everyone as a Chiny rollinside them-...

...and I know what some people think Italk about this stuff. I see their eyes rolling the sidewaysglances he's another one of those conspiracy theorist with her mad ideasabout everything. That reaction really annoys me. It's insulting gets my dolt.It's such a lazy response. Like do your research. If you're going to make ajudgment, there is so much mess information out there about conspiracy,theorists, for instance, just because I believe, there's something up with thisvirus or about nine. Eleven does not mean that I believe the earth is flat. I mean I'm not saying I don't believethe eath is fat. The jury is still out on that. One there's a lot of peoplepretty convinced of it, a lot to compel an evidence to consider there's a guywho runs a shop and in verons entirely dedicated to the floe earth, stuff mapsand stickers, pamphlets, Snow Globes. I mean not global, obviously circlesanyway, there's some pretty compelling stuff right there. Another guy is gonerun most. The highlands and spray pinet to the earth is flat on road signs andbridges. Any one goes further north than perfect. They are definitelyseeing that can't miss it. I mean that's commandment, he's got the messesout there without using the conventional media, and I can onlyapplaud him for that. The one thing that hold me back fromthe whole flat earth argument is that I went to Australia to visit my uncle andSidney when I was like fourteen- and I remember for my grand- and it was nighttime where we were in daytime where she was and my grand we lied aboutsomething like that, but that's not to say that I can completely relate out. Imean those guys have a whole shop. You can ignore that granted. It is aninverness, but still you have to keep an open mind. If I'm honest, I wouldn't even describemyself as a conspiracy vers than traditional terms am more of a humanline, detector, a reality revealer an assumption hacker. If not that I'm sane,I have all the answers. I would never be so bold. I can just smell thebullshit when I see it and I'm not afraid to call it out. I have ananalytical mind. It's, like my grand always said, he's been here with forthat one, because I'd always question things. Even when I was young, I neverfelt for any of that Santos. Yet, like I'd go over that way before I wasfourteen, I never go into religion. I mean Christianity is the biggest shamgoing. Christians are meant to be like Jesus right Jesus by the way who a lotof serious guys believe was an alien. I'm not saying that. It's true, I'mjust saying. Well, look at the evidence before you judge anyway. We don't haveno have time for that. Let's just assume that Jesus was who he said hewas, and Christianity is all about. Becoming more like Jesus Right, I meanthat's like the whole point: Isn't it well the ones I met they're like thefurthest thing away from Jesus, you could possibly get mcmein, not MaryJudas Judas, actually, no they're, not like Jits, that that's a bad example.I'm actually a big fan age of this because he was a question or two. Hehad the same analytic on mind as me, also quite possibly an IDA like I say:No, it's not not the time to Davenant. My point is: What's all the things youassociate with Jesus kindness healing, always handing at wine to the peoplewith skin bromes and that's my point. Jesus was non judgmental right, so whyis it that I got asked to leave a twelve week Alpha group at the localBaptist Church on week, three for just asking questions and that's the wholepoint of an Alpha group Athor, but turns out. They only want you to askthe questions. They want you to ask and...

...not, but the bable being such a heavilyedited propaganda to for the control in the asses. My grand said I get it from my GRANDPA.He was like me, wilful Grand Cosette, one of my strongest mamies on mygrandpa before he died. I was round at his house and the chase was on and hewas showing him all the answers and he kept on getting them wrong and the morehe did, the more convinced he was that Bradley Walsh had conspired against himto make him like stupid. Nor once did he even entertain the possibility thatthe intellectual knowledge of the team of experts on the chase may be superior to his own. Even afterthe program finished, he didn't let it go. He wrote several letters about itall of the producers and the chases before the police made him stop afterthat he never wants to chase again. He switched over the pointless and that'swhy you'll always be one of my heroes. He never backed down. Not even whenpeople told him he was being racist. I just made him angrier even him. Hencethe heart was quite sad when GRANDPA died. He looked after me a long when I wasyoung that wasn't a roun yeah my mom, and he had a job with her.My fine in deep deep cover and that's why I wasn't her own lunch, which isobviously rubbish. You would have to be at least Mi sex to be away for thislong am, I farm is mostly just analyst. Technos he's, obviously not allowed to contentme to normal channel. I have to be carefully Elicius for thelast few years, e Ma Ma no other ways of content. CONIS he's a serious guy, Levin see what I'm saying serious many Severei can tell Ma. I mean I say like Douty, I mean I'llleave you to put it together. The other falsehood about conspiracy,theorist, not that I am one is that we all get our material from the Internetwrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Okay, some of the Mat, but those aren'tthe really serious guys you might get the occasional Internet theist hit onthe own thing I'll worth, but the actual serious guys, the ones who takethis stuff really seriously. They aren't, there collected physicalevidence in their own back yard in their own neighborhoods, and let metell you you'll, be surprised how quickly you will find things that aretruly suspect. If you keep your eyes open, if you acquire their requisiteskills. Okay, I mean I do have an advantage. Ilive in Edinburgh, a city that loves it secret. It's built on secrets. The onlything edinbra loves more than a secret is telling it selling it. If she canEdinburgh's always been like that I've got a court here. Where is it Edinburgh, I hidden underground ofstreets and tunnels head in tours a maze of we wines curling through cobbletogether histories of clandestine ivens, a spiral staircase of shaky activity ofplots and schemes and Illicit Trists? That's a call for my Gostel er. This city is the capital of conspiracyand that people is its best defence. No one looks for a secret among secrets,but they are here and they are many. I am loving testimony. I have never beenso sure, as recent events have only confirmed my belief that this is thecase. Events I have witnessed personally with my own eyes...

...context. Any one who's been toEdinburgh knows about Arthur's seat. Big Dramatic Hell, sits behind theparliament, build and can't miss it. It's in all the post carts, but I betyou didn't know it's actually owned by the Queen. Hollywood power sit to thebottom, the queen's official Scottish residence. She owns the whole Carboro.Did you know that, like she owns it, which is suspect for a kick off right?Why would anyone own a hill, not just a hell? It's an extinct volcano wherethat seriously suspect best. There's all sorts of theories attached toauthor see, like some people, think that it's something to do with KingArthur and Maryland a insane the serious guys, and I'm talking aboutguys who've done. The research are far more interested in the unique mineralproperties of the rock or the fact. That's the perfect size in shape forour landing spacecraft anyway. What's undeniable is that it's suspect right,like an extinct volcano in the middle of a city, that's owned by the Queen,something's going on that takes all of the boxes. Doesn't it we don't? Evenhave change to begin to unpack that, but that's not even what I want to talkabout really what what I want to focus on initially is the cottage. As I'vesaid, the Land Arthur seat is on is known as Holy Rood Park and the veryeasterly enter that park, and I mean literally the edge. There is a cottage,a seemingly empty cottage. It sits alone, apparently vacant like in allthe time I've been living here. I've never seen any one go in and out of itthe gate is kept padlocked, but the garden is beautifully kept. Why would any one keep our garden whenthere's no one living there right? I have watched that cottage for yearsand there it's right by where I live. It's been a bit of a project to me.Actually I've kept detailed notes. I can see it from my bedroom window and Iknow there's people going in and out, but ye never ever see them. The Gatealways remains padlock. Yet there have been subtle, almost unnoticeableinterruptions, the position of the curtains, changing a bird ship wipedoff the window, a cigarette, but in the drive way people have been in thathouse, yet it is remained a loaf. A considerable amount of effort has beenput in to make it habitable, and yet no one appears to be inhabiting it. I havetheories I'm working on. Of course I originally had twenty six possibilitiesbecause you have to keep an open mind, but over time I've managed to whittlethese down and and I'll give you the two most plausible Kay. The first isfairly straightforward and quite easy to believe, and that is is being usedas an outpost for the secret service. They stay there when the Queens inresidence- and there is an underground access to now which connects it to thepalace, there's tunnels all over Eden, but that hardly any one knows aboutparticularly around Arthur's sate, so that this doesn't require anygreat leapof the imagination. The second theory is that it's a keptcottage to a home of relation to the Queen that she doesn't want the publicto know about whoever this, as has been saga, ked or brain washes. You probablyknow my they are also under guard, of course, and the tunnel still exists toa low staff in and out. There is substantial eveness to suggestthat the relation may be either a secret child of the Queens that she hadbefore marry and Philip that it's actually looking far more likely. Theperson being hidden is something to do with Prince Andrew and I'll say no more,while the investigations are still on going. My point is: I collected thisinformation first hand. I did not just read something on the Internet and gooff on one. This is happening in front of my own eyes, and I know it for afact. There is suspect. I have three a four, no pads of detailed evidencegoing back four years to support it,...

...but yesterday well it was only yesterday when I was outcollecting raw data that I stumbled on something something else, something deepersomething bigger than just the cottage that the powers that be are activelyengaged at this very moment. In this subtle mind, control and socialmanipulation of the general public. I'll tell you exactly how it happened.I'm walking through the park. I've already passed the coach once and I'mnow recording my observations as I've, always men on my phone to transcribe itto the note books later I have to be careful not to hover in the college tooopenly you see in case I'm picked up on the head and cameras and put on asecurity list anyway, I'm all up in room the field. To do my second pass.When I see two dog walkers engaged in conversation ahead, one is wearing aface mask the other is not that they are. I estimate about the requisite tome as a part. As I approach I catch, the conversation midflow, the one withthe face mask, is doing the talking and thankfully my form was still recording,so I caught the whole snip of a conversation on Cape Right. I will readyou the transcript the woman. With the face mask says: I mean it'sunbelievable. Who could have imagined such a thing just turning up mysuddenly appearing out and nowhere have you seen it. Then the woman without theface mask, Says No. I've no seen it, but Douglas has he's gone up three orfour times now see it every time he says what must be getting around,because there's more and more people turning up every day to see forthemselves says it's like princes te up there and then the master one says thatcan't be good. Is that good? I mean with you know the current situation andthen the unmasked one starts to say A. I suppose it's getting people out ofthere, but then I had to move out of recording range because one of the dogsis not barking at me. Like a new, I was listening and I to scurry off before Ilook suspicious now that was a weird stipitconversation, but I might not have thought much more about it. Had I notpassed another couple of people walking through the park less than threeminutes later, a man and a woman in their ties, students had guests walkingtowards me. The man had a beard he was too proud of and the woman was wearingin Edinburgh University Hoodie. I wasn't recording this time, but Iclearly heard the woman say something along the lines of I've never seen onebefore. I won't believe it till. I actually see it. How did you even findout, and then there were past me in a way before I ever heard his answer, butthe striking overlap. If the last conversation stopped me and my tracks,my spider senses were Danglin, something was happening. I stopped Ibreathed in. I looked right round the park and I noticed the volume of peopleall heading towards the track that goes up and right away round. Arthur's sake,I mean it's usually pretty busy with runners and cyclist dog walkers, butthis was more than that there. There was a definite stream of people allheading with what looked like intent in a clockwise direction around the hilland some of these people. You could tell that I hadn't seen a hill for awhile I'm in this part most days, these were your average park folk. They werewearing the wrong clothes that they were. They were walking wrong too fast,too eager they didn't fit. Now these people were drawn here by somethingthey were here for a purpose. Something was up so, of course, I'm going to follow I,but not by the same path, I'm not a...

...total idiot. I don't know what thesepeople are walking into. One of the things I've been keeping aniron recently has been the appearance of these strange monoliths in remoteareas around the world. There's a lot of information out there about thesethings, some guys suggesting that they're sending out a magnetic pulsewith coded messages. Then, of course, there's the whole five g theory alienChinese Russian technology, and then there was a pathetic attempt at a coverstory. Releasing it was a modern art project made back to some hippies, butthat, if anything just proves that, there's something more going on rightlike if they're going to go to much trouble to create a cover story, thensomething is definitely suspect. It's straight out of their play book likeone of the serious guys, I'm in touch with says, that's exactly what he woulddo, and this guy knows man I head off, wrote up and over the backend of the hill through the fire brakes in the Gorse, the trailers far moretreacherous, but I have made myself familiar with these paths in case I'mever in need of navigating this way in the dark like if I'm living in chase orsomething from an information. Retrieval point ofview. It's much safer. I can hear the flock of sheep Le Down there on theroad to my left. I can't glimpses of them through the trees wheezing theirway up the hill as it gets unexpectedly steeper after approximately one point,four four kilometers. According to Google maps, I get to the point whereit flattens out and I can see across the field where every one is headed toa broken crowd. Congregating around the perimeter of the top lock. No one ever stops at the top lockadmitte. I hadn't been up there in a while, but any time I have there's beenno reason to stop for a long yea pass it by and say: Oh Very Nice, you don'tstop! I mean if swans a thing you go to the bottom, Lock Shit and a swan's downnear convenient car like right. Next to it, the all the way to the top lock fora swan. No, no, I'm not having it there's just not that many people thatinto swans don't get me wrong top lock. It's it's still a very picturesque andeverything, but it's usually blowing a gale down the hell and your a good wayin each direction before you're back in the main park. People just don't tendto stop there for very long and certainly never in the numbers I wascurrently witnessing. I mean this was a crowd, an actual crowd in the middle ofa pandemic. I mean if this has been on Prince Street, it would have been frontpage of the Evening News. Okay, an attempt was being made a socialdistance in it, people seem to genuinely be standing in pockets oftwos and threes and fours. Some EES are their face mats on, even though theywere outside and that wasn't exactly strictly necessary. Let me tell you thetwo meter ule was being very liberally interpreted as I got closer. I also noticed thatall of them were faced in one direction, regardless of where they stood aroundthe edge. All of them were transfixed staring slack jawed directly into themiddle of the war. I mean I'm going excited now. Oh my mind is racing likelike this. Is it I always kind of knew? This was GennaHa, but you know like I don't know how to describe it, but I've always hadthis. Like a knowledge, you know that I was going to be a part ofsomething that I was going to bear witness to a significant event. I meanthis is why I've been paying those monthly subscription to those guysonline for the training for the necessary skills, so that I could beprepared for something like this when it happened and it's happening, I can feel it I'mready. I keep to my plan and instead ofwalking directly into the crowd, like every other clueless more on, Imaintain a safe distance and keep to the right hand, side of the road. Theground rises up, and it's a steep incline down to where the people areall gathered should give me the perfect spot to seewhat's going on right over their heads without getting too close, solidthinking.

As I become adjacent to the lock, Istill cannot achieve a clear line of sight, some trees below or blocking thebit of leg where everyone gaze seems to be fixed, so I try to climb a littlehigher to get the angle on it and it's at this point thy slip. Well,actually, I didn't just slip. What happened in reality is that my highlyresearch trail shoe failed to live up to the advertised standards. Thattureen was well within the allege remit and they completely gave her on me.They are not going to like my amazen review coming their way. Let me tellyou, I lose my footin entirely and planet also vertit down the incline.I'd built up a fair amount of a losse. By the time I smack into the back of agroup of four teenagers. They start screaming and in turn career forward ina flurry of scars and hats directly into the back of another grip of threewho do the same, and in Domina fashion they all tumble forward sending a womanstanding on the very edge of the shore line with an expensive looking cameraon a tripod directly into the lock. She doesn't completely fall in just so.I stumbles a couple of feet up to just past their knees, but not only does shemanage to stay upright, but with remarkable reflex as grabs the tripodjust before the camera. It's the water. It's a feat that earns here aspontaneous ripple of applause and I immediately positively identify her asMi five, maybe six but probably five. Those are the reflexes. Are someonewith professional training without even meaning to I've just out in an agent I'm still lying on the ground. One ofthe teenagers stands over me and says: Are you all right? Did you fall? No, Ishubel trusted a corporation to live up to his claims, wot a flagship productagain on the word again, I tried to jump frommy stomach into a crouching position, but I'm so caked in mud. For mysurprise, cliff jump, then another cataclysmic equipment fail. The gripgives up all my shoes, I slip backwards and I would have thumped my chin offthe pavement again. Had My training not kicked in and I managed to turn whatcould have been a messy event resulting in serious fatal injury into a kind ofspontaneous press up. I can tell that teenager is impressed by the look onhis face. I then simply moved from prone position to a Crouch test.Standing with ease the teenager are still looking at me.Mesmerize, as I casually wipe the mud off my glasses, then I have a flash ofinspiration like one of those times when you realize what you should havesaid something much later, except this time is happening when the window ofopportunity is still open, so I quip sorry to drop in cool as you like thatwoman, film, the water he says- and I said something accusatory about histone- I'm sure she's, just fine, but don't worry man, I'm going to go talkto her right now. Damn Right, I'm going to go talk to her. She may have givenherself away, but she doesn't know that. I know that this is my first real life opportunityfor interception. I am not going to squander it it's difficult to put theglasses back on affirmatively, but I do so fearly well and marched confidentlytowards the agent who is resetting her tripod on the shore line. Some peoplewould have been put off by the squelching of mud. Every time I move,but I just pretended did not hear it. The woman, I would say is in her is,but she doesn't seem old. She remained me a bit of Helen Merin, not so much asshe looked like her, but just that she acted like she didn't know how old shewas. Are you O K? I asked, of course she's, okay, sorry, but that equipmentfailure fell a bit. No, I'm done taking a Ricci so close to the water. I've gotwater. Proofs on the camera is fine. I...

...think yeah, it's fine. Are you okay? Idon't even dignify that with an answer. Instead, I say that looks like anexpensive piece of Kit and all of a sudden, her express and changes, oneeyebrow arches and she retreats a defensive half step back. It's part ofthe training to notice these things. Micro expressions is the technical term.If you learn enough of them, you essentially become a human linedetector and I'm already three quarters away through the online pamphlet. I'mlike seventy five percent of the way there holbein she says, of course, is Ireply and I wink she retreats another half step. Maybe she realizes I'm on toher, not so hard. Remember the training softly softly catchy monkey. Also, this is such a rare opportunityand right on our doorstep too. Do you live around here yourself? She asks andif I wasn't sure of our agent status, I was now fishing a request forconfidential information. Wrapped up in the innocuous question made seeminglyout of polite interest. Do I live around here? Tell you what why don't? Ijust give you the password to my email and the padlock to my bike. While I'mat it, I could tell you my mother's maiden name if you like, except I'm,not that stupid, to use my mother's maiden name as a security question onany of my accounts. Also, I don't know it, I'm not evensure she had one and then I thought hang on what rearopportunity. So I said it: What's a rear opportunity to see him, of courseshe says and she points towards the lake. I follow the direction of herfinger and I see it five or six meters from shore clear as day lying on hisback looking at the crowd as calm as you like, a fucking otter, it's a little miracle. Isn't it. Shesaid a little bit of wonder in all this bleakness. I wouldn't go that far. Isaid, and she frowns I mean I get it. That's not something you see every dayright I mean, if you see a Fox who cares? That's no biggie nobody's goingto be impressed by that. There was a time when you told people that you sawa Fox that was an Aningo people used to be interested in that not now not now,people have netflix these days. If you tell someone you've seen a Fox, theytend just to be annoyed you more than anything. They start shouting about thestate of their beds. If they're anything like my neighbors, but but if you see her, alter entirely different story, every one hastime for a not Iranic, don't that's an event. You're! Definitely going to talkabout that. It's not a piece of information you're keeping to yourselfas my point, but this isn't just an outer thinkabout it. I mean come on. Are you not seeing this yet don't tell me you arenot seeing this. How can you possibly not see this and alter an actual otter just turns upout of the blue just like that out of nowhere in a place that, to my knowledge, hasno previous history of ever having Otters, half way up a hill in a smalllock, with no apparent replenishable source of food, highly visible to allmanner of passers by very close to the center of a major city, and not justthat, but this all happens, Bang in the middle of a lock down overnight I meancome on wake up. Are you kidding me? I mean something's up admit that youcannot deny that. I can't even talk to you if you're going to sit there andtell me with a straight face that there's not something incredibly fishygoing on there. No bunette ded with all is eaten fish. I mean itdoesn't matter. The point is the point is I think we can all agree that anyone with two brain cells to Rub...

...together realizes that there is no wayin the hell that otter got there by itself. So, what's going on, rememberthe training break it down. What do we do? First collect the data. What weeven looking at here I mean is that thing even real. The first possibilityI considered a writer of the bag, and I think it's the one that most peoplewould immediately jump to. Is that it's a robot right, I mean that's thelogical place to go to. I think it's pretty much common knowledge of the CAAtried to recruit Jim, hence in the ease the powers a be or not be on pupate.Let me assure you there have been recorded instances of puppets beingused in many cover operations, mostly children's propaganda, but still whenused properly, they can be very effective tools. Looking at it, though, I mean if it isa puppet, it's the best one. I've ever seen and I'd seen doctor do little thenew one, Madone Junior, not the old one, I'm not saying it's a hundred percent,definitely not a very sophisticated piece of animatronic hardware, but tome, and I'm not by any means an expert in this field or a block, but it doeslook to me like it is actually an otter, okay. So data collected- let's justassume for now- that it is an atter we can re evaluate shout further.Inspection reveal something different, but for now let's just go with it, soit is an outer second step analysis. What's the motive, what is the? Why the?Why is the key to the what Wa then it hits me. I see it. It smashes right into my head.Sometimes I get these moments of intense insight when I'm, blinded bythe truth, when I can visualize all the parts laying up and I can actually seeall the bits of information fitting together in front of me, it's likelittle jakes are pieces and they all come together to find the real pictureof. What's going on, I'm talking about the actual narrative, I dimind the FATnews and it all fit together, so neatly that you so just know what you've hiton the absolute truth of Man. This has always happened to me even before Istarted watching Sherlock. It happens to me all of the time like whenever Iwatch most thriller movies. I would say eight out of ten times. I always guessthe end before they tell you that it happened right. There lightning strikewhom I see the only and a completely obvious explanation. That's also his dream, a huge coffin. Why would someone trainan otter and put in a lock in the middle of a long term? That'sridiculous you're having a laugh, you're, an idiot, oh first of all, don't thinkk communityis going to intimidate. My intellect people have been calling me an idiotall my life, and I have listened to a single one of them not to kids inschool, not the guys in the game store. I used to work and definitely not theSpain doctor in horsball. After I explained to I fell off that TelegraphPole. Second of all, I am not an idiot. I know you'rethreatened by the fact I've managed to de Program Myself From Society'sinstitutionalized mold of thinking. I know that scares you there's no need tolash out. That's what they want you to do. I am not the enemy here. If you sheepcould stop your breathing for just one. Second, I will explain to you exactlywhy someone would train an otter and put it in a lock in the middle of alock down I'll break it down for you, like you're, four or five years old. Soeven you can try and wrap your tiny little imprison minds around. What'sactually going on here. First of all, there is a wellestablished president of animals being...

...trained to take part in itsintelligence, reconnaissance cats, dogs, dolphins, chameleons, monkeys, sealines, sharks, storks vultures Falcons pigeons and, of course, bunny rabbitshave been officially charged with international spash. In fact, if you, Google, Russian Belugawheel, you will see a recent video of evidence of an animal that escaped aRussian training facility and started interacting with some fishermen. OTTERS, as everybody knows, are waymore intelligent than well, and I think, even you have to agree, are certainlynot out with the realms of possibility of being used by the corretorgovernment. Okay. So, where did the or come from my brain rapidly thinksthrough my internal reference book in stops exactly on what I'm looking for,I distint they recall seeing an advert for Edan Razoo on the side of a bus.There was a large picture of some ours with the phrase utterly awesome writtenin Purple Bubble Rion. This is the same zoo within five miles of this verylocation, the same zoom that has been close to the public most of the year,thus allowing the perfect opportunity for intensive training to commence withno one around to ask any awkward questions. Any Zoo keepers who have tobe in the vicinity of the enclosure would simply be forced to Sain an NDAor risk losing their job and in that current economic climate who's going toup for that. Okay with you so far here you see, butyou've still not told us why it's so Amos. I can't believe you're actuallyasking me okay, so try to keep up whole country and lock down. No one isallowed that no one is going into town where they can be monitored by theusual CCTV cameras. How do you keep tabs in a population when you're askingthem to stay indoors? How do you keep up surveillance on how the public arereacting to dock down? How do you monitor compliance with the newregulations? How do you keep them from seeking out the truth? Come on people, it's so obvious. It's asimple honey trap. Oh my God create a distraction. You set something upsomething seemingly innocuous, something that looks like it happenedpurely by chance, but is remarkable enough to get people's attention saysomething like an otter suddenly appearing in a lock in a centralized,accessible area near a dense population. Then what do they? Do? You get youragents to orchestra, a whispering campaign to entice people along to seeit get the word out and as that takes off you simply mix surveillance,operates into the crowd with cameras to photograph film and Monitor Behavior.If I checked that woman's camera there would not be one foot of or not she's,not there for the hour she's there for you or in this case me, so you get it right. I mean you see nowit's disgusting! It's a Blason to salt on democracy. These bastards are discreetlycollecting detailed day on how people are likely to react to the ruleswithout their consent or prior knowledge. How are they reacting tosocial distance in face masks, etc, etc? And why? Because they use these daysapples to calculate how the larger population is likely to behave? I meandon't get me wrong, it's a moral, but it's brilliant. They probably chew thisPerani around different areas. Then they run their surveillance for acouple of months till suddenly overnight quickly, as it appeared, thepoor thing is recountered and is gone, never to be seen again, but coincidentlay overnight. There's a duck bond in folker. There's got a brand new showand who will be the first on the scene. I wonder maybe a certain little womanwith a camera that's way too expensive for an old woman to have standing onthe shoreline snapping innocently away. I mean you have to admit it shows youwhy these people are called the INTELLIG ence services. It would beimpressive or it not so, apparently a...

...moral. I mean think about it. The theanimal right laws these people are deliberately contravening alone. Theyprobably wore board that Perar, but at some point he gan it to behave the waythey wanted it to know what behaves like that. Normally, no, unless dat it is a trained daughter, so you see it now right I mean there isno alternate explanation. Well, it's taking me like ten minutesto explain it, but just to the trading I absorbed all that in a second in aflash like instinct download, but the age on was also quick. She must havebeen trained in maker expressions too, because she says something that I don'tquite catch, and I say what sorry and she says you didn't bump your head oranything, and I said no, why would you say that and then she said you seem tophase out there for a second did, do you think you might faint? Maybe Ishould call an ambulance shit. She's made me. I am now in immediate peril,an ambulance yeah, I'm sure it will be an ambulance and I'm sure theredefinitely won't be a man in the back. Dress is a paramedic who willdefinitely not administer an anaesthetic, which I definitely won'twake up from in a holding cell in and off the map dark, saint militaryresearch as illy. All of that will most definitely not happen. I have to getaway from here and quickly before she signals for back up. I'm fine, I say thank you, I'd better,go I'm glad your camera in get wet, enjoy the otter, and I hastily try toget rounder, but in doing some one accidentally knock over the Tripod. Butagain the training kicks him before I have a chance to stop it. I can't helpit. It's instinct, though I grab the camera securing it before it barely hasa chance to move. I notice her noticing this. If she had made me before shecertainly has now, we can all recognize our own in the shadows. I do my best tomove my way swiftly and discreetly, through the crowd. This is not easybecause of the sheer volume of additional mode I'm carrying, some ofwhich is now drying and falling off and clumps, leaving a visible trailers. Itake their road down. The Hill back towards the house, I decided to take the most direct routehome due to the fact that, like covers not blown anyway, and I need to get offthe Queen's line as quickly as possible, the different laws apply on the landowned by the Queen and it's possible. I could be rendition without any cause.If it's deemed, I pose a threat, I need to get home before they can come outand force to look for me. I might have to lie low for at least a couple ofdays, the road curved down to the bottom lock,but a set of steps cut down between the car park to the left and the cottage tothe right they gate to the park is just a few steps further. This is thequickest route to safety and down the stamps along the path, and I turnedright to walk past the cottage and there in the unpadlocked. Driveway is a man four years of dedicated rigoroussurveillance and not so much as a postman is dropped by and today is theday that a vehicle suddenly appears in the driveway literally moments. After aconfrontation with an agent now, my heart was pounding by the van ishtoagents dressed in overall to make it look like their workmen, so obvious man,I'm guessing their secret service and they obviously waiting on me how a foldme the bigger one of the masks. As I attempt to hurry past the other one'sNiggars well make you say that I say sarcastically knowing full well thatthe agent from the top lock is radio ahead. Why just went for a little roomon the Mon? Did you then said the sniggerer? I think he was being sarcastic John,the Big One says yes, I was I say, and then there's a pause and I know Ishould just run away that engaging with these guys is just madness. Then everysecond I'm there, I'm only endangering myself my work and my training evenfurther. But, like I say, that's not in...

...my nature, I can't help pushing it. Ihave to know the truth, so I forced myself and I asked them. So what areyou doing here? Then? No one lives in this house. Did they my voice trembles a bit, but I get awaywith it now? No one lived you and news ma the big one says all chief GardenersCollege apparently turned it into an Er bin B. aren't they? God only knows whatthey're doing it now we're just doing the work on it to get up to scratch, man having so much trouble they are soon to me, they've been able to come up with a cover story. That's quickly,they've known about me before to day before the or incident probably had meunder surveillance for weeks O I'm in over my head. I need to make contactwith my guys a sap, especially you know who he'll probably be worried. I mayhave to move flat, I'm a hundred percent getting a new SIM. I didn'tneed to hear any more. I just left disappeared from the side of the vanlike bar manner. I got the hell out of there as fast as my muddy legs wouldcarry me. SMOKIN otters was performed by Garethmuch. It was written by Ker Mc Kelston. The music was composed by de Meric.Special thanks go to Shauna MC DONALD, Christer McDonald, Scott Edinbrugh, youtheater kitty and can cordon and all at Gil Derbin, the corona logs. The secondweave is a watchless space production in partnership with Gilded Billon. This has been a difficult time for theerrs. None of the contributors have received any payment. If you haveenjoyed this episode and would like to donate, then details can be found inthe audion description. Alternatively, you con Denat by visiting watch thisspace productions, com or a gilded Balin do cold do Yuki. All the nationswill be split and equally, amongst the contributors T.

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